From as young as I can remember, I have always felt negative emotions to the extreme. When I was sad, I was crying every day, shoving people away, and/or completely hiding. When I was stressed, I was puking up breakfast in order to get my job done. When I was tired, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t really focus. Today I wanted to talk about how these feeling affect not only this blog, but also my life in general.
Let’s talk about being sad. At the end of the day, I am at some level of sad. Think of it like a callus, where eventually the painful blisters harden and you don’t notice the pains you were feeling earlier. At some point in my life, I reached a baseline of sad. I formed that callus. And as I have been going through these larger transitions to my life, I have either added to the callus or have tried to shave away at it. Since starting the blog, I have talked about how I am a lot happier than when I started. But over the past month or so, I’ve started to slip up. I have let everything eat away at me, and my negative feelings about my body, my friendships, and my world in general have begun to creep into my day to day life.
Now stress. I have done a very good job of keeping up with posts for the blog, but since I switched to a new position at work, I have been unable to listen to books as I am working. And while I was working a job that left me physically drained and mentally awake, I now work a job where I come home and I feel like I need to be active physically, but the last thing I want to do is pick up a book and read. But for the month of September, all I really needed to read was the BOTM books this week and I got to Wednesday still needing to read 2 books. And I was STRESSED. I began pressuring myself to read, forcing myself to do something that I used to love doing, and I was mentally drained. It is not healthy to force yourself to do anything, even if you like to do it, and I. FEEL. IT. I am probably going to be changing posts in an effort to lower the stress I have been feeling.
As for being tired. There is very few times in my life where I am not some level of tired. We all went through the stages in college of staying up all night in order to finish a paper when we really should be sleeping so our mental health is okay. At this point in my life, I realistically need to sleep on a consistent level, and more or less 7 hours a night. I currently am getting about 6 hours, so yea, I’m tired.
Now that we are talking about some lows, let’s talk about some highs. I have you guys. I have consistency in my life. I am working a job that I am up for promotion for. I am moving. I have so many amazing things in my life, and I need to start appreciating those things more. My mountains are really low compared to where I want to be, but I am proud of all those high moments I have felt.
So why am I telling you this? I want you to understand that I am a person too. I feel the same things that you all feel. I am just as broken as the next person. I struggle, and I have to find a way to get myself out of the rutt I have found myself in. If I can do it, you can too! So let me know how you get out of this, and if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me!
If you guys have any thoughts or ideas, feel free to leave a comment, find me on the social medias at @elizabooksblog, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. And as always, I’ll see you all in the next book!